Writing

everything written in the past month. i've been
slacking with this blog big time.




January 9th 2008

Carrie was a girl who was war – torn.
She sparkled like diamonds when she was younger.
She was a pale lovely face sitting atop a world that was blemished but she, not.
She frolicked in her own illuminated spirit, she was just at the peak of new life.
But God teach her to pray for her sins.
Teach her that everything she does is the wrong, she’s going down the wrong road.
Let her forget about her future and let you decide her fate for her.
Carrie is now dim. She does not sparkle in the least.
Cover her with blankets of prosperity, the girl needs comfort. She needs help
Let her mother continue to tell her that she will never be good enough, that she will never grasp the way to do things right.
That she will now live in silence and do what she is told
Carrie is locked up. From the outside in
Her fingers shred and blister from trying to escape
The wood splinters beneath her weak frail hands.
No one can here her yell. She has to bear it on her own
Don’t let her out, she’s a threat to the world
They will fear her and out of fear they put her away.

January 17, 2008

These four walls are really starting to get to me
Feeling like a prisoner in your own house. That’s what it is.
I’m starting to detach myself from the everyday world and everyone in it
This isn’t life anymore im heading towards my grave
I sit down and write all my feeling all my thought all my emotion onto 3 pieces of paper
This will be what people can remember me by I know that they wont
Miss much of me anyway
There comes a time when your in a situation like this and you look back
On all the times when you were vibrant and young doing stupid things with unimportant people
The times when people were malicious and sadistic and had no faith in your beliefs
You look back on the deaths of close people around you and most importantly you look back on the person you could have become
The person you could have made yourself into if you had just cared a little more
Well now it’s the point where im trying so hard to reincarnate that person that im practically killing myself.
I just need my personalities to be cohesive.




Writing

I look out.
There is no one behind me in front of me
Beneath me or above me.
No one can take this place I have in the world.
I stare through eyes that have seen too much for even my age
There are things I regret
Reminisce on and remember.
There are things that I know I could have done right
If I had just thought more clearly.
There are things that could easily have been prevented
But the life in me didn’t stop my poor judgement.
I rethink these days of this newer year.
It’s hard to find comfort these days when being careful around everyone
Your family, close personal friends, and peers.
I know that in this day and age things will progress
You learn from those mistakes and you make better for the future
Don’t explain to me how to handle my life
I watch out for MY own well being and not those of others
All else will be put back into a box on the shelf.
They don’t understand how my mind works, but who does?
Who can I turn to when there is something so complex
So difficult so tragic and heart wrenching?
No one.


January 25, 2008

The roots from the moss grow up around my fingers
They sit there and tell me what to write down
The flowers tilt there faces towards the sun
The trees leaves fall down into broken piles
These things in life have no knowledge of death
The things have no fears, no idea of embarrassment
The things live there life in the simplest way possible
Free from error or much effort
They do not over think there lives
Because they have no power to think in the first place
We could learn from these little things in life.





January 30, 2008

Im tired of it
Im tired of the world
Im not an emo kid, I just can’t keep it together
Im thinking now that no one knows how I feel
I dig inside myself to find where I’ve come from
And it’s impossible to recognize
I feel like this person isn’t what I’d expected
It seems like things won’t let up
Things won’t go away
Im rough around the edges, it’s obvious
But im trying to smooth pieces out.
I wish there was someone that could talk to me
Reassure me
Recognize my faults
Reminisce on the good times
Fall back on me when they’re upset
Realize I’m a good friend
Stick with me through everything
Where are all of you people?


January 31, 2008

Dig in from the inside out
Illusions
They hold this cradle of filth that is present in all of us
We play tricks on our own mind
We are gullible to the thought of things being okay once again
We badmouth our own existence and the existence of others
People see right through us and what we really are
We phone the fate that were destined for
But priorities now are on the other line
We back into corners and let others decide our life for us
Our freedom has been stripped down to nothingness
And soon, our minds collapse in on themselves
Were standing here left to wonder, what do I do with myself?
Where do I go from here? Where can I turn to?
These things change over time
Turning tides over and over for the better or for the worse.
There’s nothing left in me to carve out of myself
There’s nothing left to give into when all hope of insufficiency
Is lost. Our hope for having life after death is gone.
We gnaw at our conscience until we can make sense of the world in it’s entirety.